Home
Nothing irks a busy hardworking wife
more than to think that while she is
busy making a living to carry her own
share of the family’s burden, her
husband is busy romping in a
steaming session with the maid.
But despite how this may look like a
story line from a Nollywood movie,
more often than not, in real life,
the issue pushes many marriages to
the edge of the precipice.
Saturday Punch spoke with a
number of individuals who offered
insights into this issue, highlighting
the fact that the scenario plays out
more in the homes of career
women.
One of such women, Mrs.
Adedolapo, a mother of two, told
our correspondent that she became
certain that her husband was
sleeping with her help when the
very respectful 22-year-old
housemaid she brought into her
home in February 2015 started to
“look at me from the end of her
nose.”
She said, “The main reason I told
the girl to come work for me in the
first place was because she was
very respectful. I met her when I
went for an outreach in Yenagoa
and brought her to Lagos.
“She did everything perfectly; she
was very nice and treated my
children well. But after six months,
I noticed that if I walked in and she
greeted me by kneeling, she would
mouth a welcome to my husband
with her back turned. I also
realised that this did not seem to
bother my husband.
“Later I realised that her attitude
toward me also changed. All the
respect went out of the window.
Anytime she did something wrong
and I got angry, she looked at me as
if I was a mere chicken. I also
noticed that my husband no longer
spoke to her in my presence. If I
told her to do something and I
scolded her for doing it wrongly,
rather than my husband to add his
voice, he would look away.
“I noticed that she no longer
respected or feared my husband
anymore. I became really sure
something was going on between
both of them when I noticed she
cooked when we had left the house
one day. I got home that evening
and asked why she cooked again.
“She said oga (my husband) came
home in the afternoon and was
hungry and she had to cook for
him. My husband had never been
in the habit of coming home from
work to eat in the afternoon. I sent
her packing in August last year.”
Mrs. Adedolapo, who works in a
travel agency, said she did not
confront her husband and neither
did she give him any explanation
as to why she sent the housemaid
packing soon after.
“The surprising thing is that he
never asked me why I sent the lady
away,” she said.
The narrative given by Mrs.
Adedolapo, it turned out, is not
strange to many other career
women, who suffer the ignominy of
unknowingly sharing their marital
bed with their maids.
Another version of a similar story
came from a woman who works
with a new generation bank in
Lagos. She told our correspondent
that she had been married for 10
years until 2014 when she
separated from her husband.
Reason? Her husband was sleeping
with their housemaid too.
“We have been on this matter now
for almost two years. Our families
have been trying to settle the
matter. But if I forgive him, it is
hard to forget. If I could erase what
he did from my mind, then I would
forgive him completely,” the
woman said.
In the email by which our
correspondent communicated with
her, she called herself Mrs.
AngryNaijaWoman. She said she
would prefer to be referred to as
that in this report.
Mrs. AngryNaijaWoman told our
correspondent that she first noticed
the sign of trouble when she
realised that her housemaid was
showing symptoms of pregnancy.
“The girl was 24 at the time. She
had been with us for three years.
The first week I started noticing
some physical changes in her body,
I jokingly told her that I hoped she
was not pregnant. She said no. But
by the third week, I was sure
something was not right. So, I took
her for a test and it was confirmed
that she was pregnant.
“I was shocked. I took her home
and sat her down to tell me who
impregnated her. She first gave the
name of a younger cousin of my
husband’s, who was staying with us
for some time.
“I informed my husband and we
summoned his cousin, because he
had got his own accommodation
not long before that. All this while,
I was agonising over how my
housemaid could be pregnant
under our noses, my husband too
expressed surprise.
“When my husband’s cousin came
and we told him what the
housemaid had said, he denied
flatly that he was responsible for
the pregnancy. But surprisingly, he
told me that he had actually slept
with her a number of times but
always ensured he wore condom.
“We kept pestering the lady for
answers, asking her if any other
person was involved. I decided to
calm down and took her inside to
ask her privately. That was when
she told me that my husband also
slept with her. I beat the hell out of
her but she kept repeating that she
was telling the truth.
“I confronted my husband and he
too pounced on the lady and
started beating her for lying
against him. Yet, she maintained
her stand. I threatened my
husband that we would let the lady
give birth and do a DNA test on her
child. But my friend told me that if
I did that, it would be like shooting
myself in the foot. I personally took
the lady for an abortion and sent
her packing afterwards.”
Mrs.AngryNaijaWoman told our
correspondent that the marriage
has been strained ever since.
She said even though her husband
continued to deny the accusation,
she knew in her heart that the
housemaid was telling the truth.
Asked why she took the maid for an
abortion, she said she did not want
to wait to find out the father of the
child between her husband and his
cousin.
“It was clear they were both
sleeping with the maid without the
other knowing,” she said.
As harsh as it may sound, Mrs.
AngryNaijaWoman’s case is one
that has become all too common.
In November 2015, a middle-aged
woman, Kabirat Jimoh, approached
the Oshodi Customary Court in
Lagos over her husband’s cavorting
with their housemaid. But the
husband allegedly took the affair a
notch higher. Kabirat was in tears
as she told the court that her
husband, Sefiu, had to abandon his
matrimonial home altogether and
moved in with the housemaid in an
apartment he rented for the
teenager.
Kabirat said he allegedly
abandoned her and their three
children to live in a one-room
apartment.
She told the court that they had
been married for 17 years. She said
she had travelled briefly when her
husband started sleeping with the
girl. According to her, she only
knew something was going on
between the two of them when the
girl became insolent.
“Whenever I asked her to do a
chore, she would look me in the eye
and tell me that she was tired.
Whenever I threatened to take her
back to our village, my husband
would threaten to deal with me,”
she said.
more than to think that while she is
busy making a living to carry her own
share of the family’s burden, her
husband is busy romping in a
steaming session with the maid.
But despite how this may look like a
story line from a Nollywood movie,
more often than not, in real life,
the issue pushes many marriages to
the edge of the precipice.
Saturday Punch spoke with a
number of individuals who offered
insights into this issue, highlighting
the fact that the scenario plays out
more in the homes of career
women.
One of such women, Mrs.
Adedolapo, a mother of two, told
our correspondent that she became
certain that her husband was
sleeping with her help when the
very respectful 22-year-old
housemaid she brought into her
home in February 2015 started to
“look at me from the end of her
nose.”
She said, “The main reason I told
the girl to come work for me in the
first place was because she was
very respectful. I met her when I
went for an outreach in Yenagoa
and brought her to Lagos.
“She did everything perfectly; she
was very nice and treated my
children well. But after six months,
I noticed that if I walked in and she
greeted me by kneeling, she would
mouth a welcome to my husband
with her back turned. I also
realised that this did not seem to
bother my husband.
“Later I realised that her attitude
toward me also changed. All the
respect went out of the window.
Anytime she did something wrong
and I got angry, she looked at me as
if I was a mere chicken. I also
noticed that my husband no longer
spoke to her in my presence. If I
told her to do something and I
scolded her for doing it wrongly,
rather than my husband to add his
voice, he would look away.
“I noticed that she no longer
respected or feared my husband
anymore. I became really sure
something was going on between
both of them when I noticed she
cooked when we had left the house
one day. I got home that evening
and asked why she cooked again.
“She said oga (my husband) came
home in the afternoon and was
hungry and she had to cook for
him. My husband had never been
in the habit of coming home from
work to eat in the afternoon. I sent
her packing in August last year.”
Mrs. Adedolapo, who works in a
travel agency, said she did not
confront her husband and neither
did she give him any explanation
as to why she sent the housemaid
packing soon after.
“The surprising thing is that he
never asked me why I sent the lady
away,” she said.
The narrative given by Mrs.
Adedolapo, it turned out, is not
strange to many other career
women, who suffer the ignominy of
unknowingly sharing their marital
bed with their maids.
Another version of a similar story
came from a woman who works
with a new generation bank in
Lagos. She told our correspondent
that she had been married for 10
years until 2014 when she
separated from her husband.
Reason? Her husband was sleeping
with their housemaid too.
“We have been on this matter now
for almost two years. Our families
have been trying to settle the
matter. But if I forgive him, it is
hard to forget. If I could erase what
he did from my mind, then I would
forgive him completely,” the
woman said.
In the email by which our
correspondent communicated with
her, she called herself Mrs.
AngryNaijaWoman. She said she
would prefer to be referred to as
that in this report.
Mrs. AngryNaijaWoman told our
correspondent that she first noticed
the sign of trouble when she
realised that her housemaid was
showing symptoms of pregnancy.
“The girl was 24 at the time. She
had been with us for three years.
The first week I started noticing
some physical changes in her body,
I jokingly told her that I hoped she
was not pregnant. She said no. But
by the third week, I was sure
something was not right. So, I took
her for a test and it was confirmed
that she was pregnant.
“I was shocked. I took her home
and sat her down to tell me who
impregnated her. She first gave the
name of a younger cousin of my
husband’s, who was staying with us
for some time.
“I informed my husband and we
summoned his cousin, because he
had got his own accommodation
not long before that. All this while,
I was agonising over how my
housemaid could be pregnant
under our noses, my husband too
expressed surprise.
“When my husband’s cousin came
and we told him what the
housemaid had said, he denied
flatly that he was responsible for
the pregnancy. But surprisingly, he
told me that he had actually slept
with her a number of times but
always ensured he wore condom.
“We kept pestering the lady for
answers, asking her if any other
person was involved. I decided to
calm down and took her inside to
ask her privately. That was when
she told me that my husband also
slept with her. I beat the hell out of
her but she kept repeating that she
was telling the truth.
“I confronted my husband and he
too pounced on the lady and
started beating her for lying
against him. Yet, she maintained
her stand. I threatened my
husband that we would let the lady
give birth and do a DNA test on her
child. But my friend told me that if
I did that, it would be like shooting
myself in the foot. I personally took
the lady for an abortion and sent
her packing afterwards.”
Mrs.AngryNaijaWoman told our
correspondent that the marriage
has been strained ever since.
She said even though her husband
continued to deny the accusation,
she knew in her heart that the
housemaid was telling the truth.
Asked why she took the maid for an
abortion, she said she did not want
to wait to find out the father of the
child between her husband and his
cousin.
“It was clear they were both
sleeping with the maid without the
other knowing,” she said.
As harsh as it may sound, Mrs.
AngryNaijaWoman’s case is one
that has become all too common.
In November 2015, a middle-aged
woman, Kabirat Jimoh, approached
the Oshodi Customary Court in
Lagos over her husband’s cavorting
with their housemaid. But the
husband allegedly took the affair a
notch higher. Kabirat was in tears
as she told the court that her
husband, Sefiu, had to abandon his
matrimonial home altogether and
moved in with the housemaid in an
apartment he rented for the
teenager.
Kabirat said he allegedly
abandoned her and their three
children to live in a one-room
apartment.
She told the court that they had
been married for 17 years. She said
she had travelled briefly when her
husband started sleeping with the
girl. According to her, she only
knew something was going on
between the two of them when the
girl became insolent.
“Whenever I asked her to do a
chore, she would look me in the eye
and tell me that she was tired.
Whenever I threatened to take her
back to our village, my husband
would threaten to deal with me,”
she said.
